Showing posts with label Self-Advocacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Self-Advocacy. Show all posts

Monday, February 22, 2021

I Don't Live There Anymore + #MyPostMonday The Week's Best Original Content

 The other day, my dog Evee and I were tramping around in the hills of our local horse and hiking park, which goes miles into the hills and dells of my town. It's really a lovely place (except that the horses go off the maintained bark trails that are meant for horses, and go onto unmaintained animal and walking trails, destroying the delicate eco-growth, which makes it hard to keep a decent pair of walking shoes😫). So, other than that it's lovely.

It was earlier in the morning and that is the time when we run into groups of moms working out before school and work. They are chattering as they run or walk, full of pre-workout, caffeine or both. You can hear their excited banter from far away, signaling their energetic approach. 

And since I use the time as a peaceful, reflective time, I usually avoid running into such groups and take an alternate route. This morning was no different, I heard their approach, I took a different trail. But I still overheard a couple of sentences that one woman was telling her walking companion. It went like this: " least you know you did everything you could. You didn't do anything wrong. So going into it, you don't need to feel guilt......."

I thought it was so interesting that one woman was trying to make another friend try to feel better about something she was dealing with. I don't know if it resonated with the woman she was talking to, but it sure resonated with me. I applied what she said to myself and took it literally. It felt like she was saying those words to me.

How many times have I felt guilt, not because of what I did, but what someone was putting on me regardless of whether or not I deserved it? Regardless of whether or not I was trying my best, regardless of what was going on in my life. It's been so many times that I can't even count. And the thing is, I've internalized it. I've felt the burden of it. I have felt so bad and worthless because of it. 

Here I am, still trying to figure things out, trying to interpret some of my actions and where they came from. Somewhere deep within my unconscious being, a probable self-defense or coping mode had been activated. So embedded that I haven't even recognized it for what it really is.......until recently. I've come to understand what some people with strong personalities, who are close to me have done. They have set me up to be a scapegoat, someone to blame things on, someone to treat poorly because they have seen it done to me in the past. So even though I have done nothing wrong, they like to blame me for things. 

Monday, March 26, 2018

Sorry, Not Sorry + #MyPostMonday The Week's Best Original Conent

I work with Middle School Special Ed Students. When I transitioned to this age-group from High School, I felt a little trepidation. This is the age group that is just beginning the transition from childhood to adulthood. They have a huge amount of learning to do in terms of how to adult. They are still such children in so many ways. 

I've learned to really enjoy this age-group, though, because they desperately want to learn all the secrets of being an adult and I find it to be so endearing (Most of the time). We have a cute 7th grade girl who has such a hard time saying "no". Her friends have learned that if they put enough pressure on her, she will give them anything--her lunch, her phone, her treats, the shirt off her back, her time. She is having such a struggle and it has gotten her into several situations. We are actually working on role-playing so that she can practice saying "no". She needs to learn it now because it will get even more complicated in high school, when boys enter into the equation.

It's not such a foreign problem to many adults, especially women, who feel that  they don't want to disappoint people or let others down. After observing the behavior in someone who is so new at being independent, I've been making an effort to be less of a push-over myself. What I mean is that as much as I try, I'm not going to please everyone. But rather than falling all over myself apologizing for my shortcomings, or agreeing to do or give things that I really don't feel comfortable with, why not make it a double advantage, and practice being assertive, all while boosting someone else and assuming the good in them?
In effect, I intend to practice stating what it is I normally would apologize for, but without the apology, and instead follow it up with an honest statement of confidence and expectation that the other person will not only acquiesce to the request, but totally understand! Examples:
  • I need to cancel our plans--thanks for understanding! Next time?
  • I can't commit to that right now. But it's a wonderful thing that you are doing. Good luck with your cause! 
  • I don't drink. But I'd love to be a part of the fun!
  •  My house is a mess, and thanks for understanding that housework isn't the only thing I do.
  • I just noticed I've got my shirt on inside out, wow! That's hilarious! 
  • I 'm not interested in buying your product right now. Thanks for thinking of me, though. I'll keep my eyes open for someone who might be interested!
  • My child is having a melt-down. Thanks for understanding that I'm a good parent, regardless!
  • I'm not going to give that to you because it's something I value right now. I'll help you try and find something similar if you'd like, or if there comes a time I don't want it, I'll think of you!
There are a few things I feel like I should always apologize for: being late, falling through on a commitment, or offending someone. Those are things that hurt another person and an apology should definitely be in order. 

I feel like this kind of strategy is good for self-esteem, time-management, stress-management, and sets up perimeters for productive relationships. 

What do you think about this kind of social strategy? Is it empowering or non-productive? Let me know what you think! 
 Today is "My Post Monday!", a curation of the week's best original content. It's all about posts from Crafts to Camping, Wellness to Wealth, Fashion to Food, and whatever else is on the brain!  I  open up with a post of my own and then follow it up with a linky of the week's top original blog posts! It's all about what the writer thinks, believes, and knows--in other words, they are active, writing blogs. If I happen to find a great original, non-sponsored post, I'll link it up and share it with you here and on Twitter via the #MyPostMonday hashtag!  I can miss some amazing posts, but I don't want to!  So, in addition, if you'd like to link up yourself, you can do that too!  I'll visit your site, comment, promote and publicize! (Affiliate links welcome!)