Monday, March 26, 2018

Sorry, Not Sorry + #MyPostMonday The Week's Best Original Conent

I work with Middle School Special Ed Students. When I transitioned to this age-group from High School, I felt a little trepidation. This is the age group that is just beginning the transition from childhood to adulthood. They have a huge amount of learning to do in terms of how to adult. They are still such children in so many ways. 

I've learned to really enjoy this age-group, though, because they desperately want to learn all the secrets of being an adult and I find it to be so endearing (Most of the time). We have a cute 7th grade girl who has such a hard time saying "no". Her friends have learned that if they put enough pressure on her, she will give them anything--her lunch, her phone, her treats, the shirt off her back, her time. She is having such a struggle and it has gotten her into several situations. We are actually working on role-playing so that she can practice saying "no". She needs to learn it now because it will get even more complicated in high school, when boys enter into the equation.

It's not such a foreign problem to many adults, especially women, who feel that  they don't want to disappoint people or let others down. After observing the behavior in someone who is so new at being independent, I've been making an effort to be less of a push-over myself. What I mean is that as much as I try, I'm not going to please everyone. But rather than falling all over myself apologizing for my shortcomings, or agreeing to do or give things that I really don't feel comfortable with, why not make it a double advantage, and practice being assertive, all while boosting someone else and assuming the good in them?
In effect, I intend to practice stating what it is I normally would apologize for, but without the apology, and instead follow it up with an honest statement of confidence and expectation that the other person will not only acquiesce to the request, but totally understand! Examples:
  • I need to cancel our plans--thanks for understanding! Next time?
  • I can't commit to that right now. But it's a wonderful thing that you are doing. Good luck with your cause! 
  • I don't drink. But I'd love to be a part of the fun!
  •  My house is a mess, and thanks for understanding that housework isn't the only thing I do.
  • I just noticed I've got my shirt on inside out, wow! That's hilarious! 
  • I 'm not interested in buying your product right now. Thanks for thinking of me, though. I'll keep my eyes open for someone who might be interested!
  • My child is having a melt-down. Thanks for understanding that I'm a good parent, regardless!
  • I'm not going to give that to you because it's something I value right now. I'll help you try and find something similar if you'd like, or if there comes a time I don't want it, I'll think of you!
There are a few things I feel like I should always apologize for: being late, falling through on a commitment, or offending someone. Those are things that hurt another person and an apology should definitely be in order. 

I feel like this kind of strategy is good for self-esteem, time-management, stress-management, and sets up perimeters for productive relationships. 

What do you think about this kind of social strategy? Is it empowering or non-productive? Let me know what you think! 
 Today is "My Post Monday!", a curation of the week's best original content. It's all about posts from Crafts to Camping, Wellness to Wealth, Fashion to Food, and whatever else is on the brain!  I  open up with a post of my own and then follow it up with a linky of the week's top original blog posts! It's all about what the writer thinks, believes, and knows--in other words, they are active, writing blogs. If I happen to find a great original, non-sponsored post, I'll link it up and share it with you here and on Twitter via the #MyPostMonday hashtag!  I can miss some amazing posts, but I don't want to!  So, in addition, if you'd like to link up yourself, you can do that too!  I'll visit your site, comment, promote and publicize! (Affiliate links welcome!)     


Tamra Phelps said...

I think we as women must have a harder time saying no. I know I do. I feel guilty if I do even when the request is unreasonable.

Darren Scrubb said...

Working with students has truly enabled you to learn very much about children.