Awareness of The Adult Bully Factor

Too many people believe 'bullying' is a concept only reserved for kids, or situations that happen in schools. What about 'bullying' for adults? Can adults actually become bullies? No way! After all, they are supposed to be mature, and set good examples for children! 

If it is indeed true, then what actually is an adult bully?

   Bullying incidents are events repeated over time. For many adults, this occurs at work, social events, or even at home, thus becoming habitual. Bullying involves a victim being distressed by an abuser. Whenever someone displays visual/verbal signs that they are feeling hurt, the bully continues to engage in this behavior because they derive a sense of satisfaction (power) from it.  They may continually upset someone at work with their comments, mannerisms, racial/sexist/religious jokes, or they know they can intimidate their victim.

          There is always an imbalance of power whereby one adult is more powerful than the other--this can occur physically, mentally/ intellectually, or emotionally. They may hold a greater position of power in the workplace, or their homes. There is an intent to harm by the bully. They knowingly and maliciously decide to attack another adult who is helpless and unable to defend them self. Usually attacks are premeditated, and can be either verbal or non-verbal in nature. 

 Too many adults are quick to dismiss "one event" as being an isolated incident, which may be the case. The problems begin when that one event is a precursor to subsequent bullying. When bullying and abuse are tolerated instead of a 'zero tolerance' mentality, the abuse will most likely escalate!

          I wonder how many parents/adults allow bullying to happen in the lives of children by proxy, believing it will just go away in their own lives? What are children to make of this, "Just ignore it and it will go away!" mindset?  Has this approach work for adults? Children observe and model how adults behave. I love to use the baseball analogy, 'today's catchers are tomorrow's pitchers' when it comes to bullying. What kids are mentally and physically taking in today, will be projected outwards tomorrow... BULLYING!

 

Peter Sacco is a recipient of the Award of Excellence in Teaching, lecturing at universities both in the US and Canada. A bestselling author, psychology professor and former private practitioner, Peter has also written over 700 articles in media/magazines as well as several book reviews for Prentice-Hall Publishing.

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A Friend...Not A Bully + #MyPostMonday Link-up

Last week, a friend at work shared a tragic event in his family's life.  His cousin from Nebraska, a star high school football player, on a full-ride scholarship, I'm told, committed suicide.  He had it all.  But even guys being recruited to big-time schools can be bullied, apparently.  It's been two weeks since he shot himself, leaving behind grieving family, friends, and a confused hometown. A college will be offering a scholarship to someone else, not their first choice.  But #8 will never be forgotten. How very sad.  It goes to show that bullying knows no boundaries--no amount of talent, or lack of it, no demographic, religion, gender, race, social status or zip code can claim safety.   Below is an actual picture of the boy who was somehow targeted and bullied to the point that he felt he had to take his own life.

If bullying knows no boundaries, how can you prepare your child to be a survivor of the inevitable?  I personally remember being bullied in all grades.  In grade school, there were other groups of girls who would specifically target someone by looks and then try to bully them.  It was easy back then.  I would just run home.  I didn't ride the bus, so I didn't have to put up with craziness there.  In Jr. high school, it was just a matter of being accepted by a bigger group of peers than were in elementary school.  It was hard to find people at lunchtime who I wanted to be with or, conversely, wanted to be with me.  I'm not gonna lie, I spent some lonely times during that period of my life.  And in high school, if you let yourself get too far out of your element, you could definitely be prey to an outside group.  I found myself  alone in the locker room one day, when two girls of different race and background came in.  They saw a chance to get even for every wrong ever committed to them in this lifetime, it seemed, and their revenge was heaped upon me.  They got me cornered and started throwing shampoo bottles, bars of soap and brushes at me.  One hit me in the face.  As they approached even closer, I didn't wait to find out what would happen next.  I exited through the closest doors I saw and headed out toward the pool with the swimming class.  I hung out there for an indefinite period of time.  I didn't tell anyone though.  I didn't want the attention, I didn't want the hassle and I didn't want to appear weak.  But that's where I was wrong.  If someone is bullied, they need to tell someone.  Preferably someone in authority, but if not, just someone they trust. You may need that person to provide witness or just having some support is invaluable!

One of the most important things is to teach your child anti-bullying behavior.  Many bullies have been victims themselves.  If children are bullied in the home, they will probably act out of the home.  If you suspect you are the parent of a bully, you can start helping them to help others through volunteering and sharing. Teaching them to be tolerant of others who are different is really important.  After all, in America, you're always going to get different.  But that is what we are supposed to exemplify--tolerance to everyone.  In other words:

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Welcome to #MyPost Monday! It's all about original content from bloggers who care to share what is on their minds--from Crafts to Camping, Wellness to Wealth, Fashion to Food, and whatever else is on the brain!  I open up with a post of my own and then follow it up with a linky of the week's best original content! It's all about what the writer thinks, believes, and knows. If I happen to find a great original, non-sponsored post, I'll link it up and share it with you here and on Twitter (maybe even Facebook and Instagram as well) via the #MyPostMonday hashtag!  It's like being featured!  I can miss some amazing posts, but I don't want to!  So, in addition, if you'd like to link up yourself while the linky is open that week, you can do that too!  I'll visit your site, comment, promote and publicize! Remember, any link to your posts helps your blog numbers increase! (Affiliate links welcome!)