Do you ever do the coulda' woulda' shoulda' game? Not a smart idea to do for very long. But sometimes I do occasionally indulge in a bit of 'What if' reminiscing.
For instance I wish that I had treated my two grandmas so much better. Not that I treated them badly at all, but I wish I had written them more letters, and shown them more consideration and honor. They were such wonderful women, whom I loved dearly. If I had known that they wouldn't be with me forever here on this earth, I might have gleaned more of their wisdom, spent more time sitting at their knees, and taken their words more to heart than I did.
If I had known that my boys would have turned out to be such amazing young men, and that I really had such a limited time to be with them, as it turned out, would I have spent so much time trying to improve them, mold them into what I thought they should be, disciplining them, and most regretfully, raising my voice at them? Honestly, I would have spent much more time just laughing with them, and admiring their individual characteristics and God-given traits. I am lucky that now I can still spend time with them on occasion and I can do better by them than I did my own grandmas because I know that I won't always have those moments to enjoy.
And of course there is my own husband. Wow, we've been through a lot of ups and downs. With my own baggage from a previous marriage, along with his own previous marriage, and our own individual childhood upbringings that occasionally don't mesh, especially when it comes to dealing with kids and our family. But I do love him after all of it, and there is still a long way to go. In him is the ticket to every bit of happiness that I'd ever want. He's kind to me, kind to my aging father, and kind to my boys. He brings me nice gifts (my love language), thinks I'm pretty, and compliments me enough to make me blush. And there are more and more times of just peaceful contentment between us! What's not to look forward to and appreciate now?
I think that I've learned enough from the past to know that the very best things in life have been right in front of me all along. I just needed to see it!
|Image - Jami Bollshweiler Photography|